the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
