Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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