I can't breathe out the right side of my face
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
