I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
