Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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