Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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