It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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