Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
