aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
