I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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