I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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