those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
