i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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