she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
