I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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