9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
