Please, let me fuck your mom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
