ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
