Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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