the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
