my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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