Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
