I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
