I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
