Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
