Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
