my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
