no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
