Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
