So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
