To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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