i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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