My brain says no but my pants say off.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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