My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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