guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
