Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
