Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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