He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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