420 ftw
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
