ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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