we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
