i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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