So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
