Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
