I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
