So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i've created a new STD.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
