The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
