first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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