so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize