apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
