You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
