another moral hangover. fuck.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
