maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
