So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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