Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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