6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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