Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize