we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
