I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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