Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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