i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
