why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
