Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
