So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
