this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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