i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
