On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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