Do you still have your period?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
