I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
