tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
