Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
