How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
