just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
