4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
