I can tuck mytits in my pants
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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