saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he shaved USA in his pubs
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
