apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I deserve this hangover.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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