that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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