but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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