your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
